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A. V. Laider by Max Beerbohm
Book, page 2 / 23


SHOULDN'T John Doe, Esq., or Mrs. Richard Roe turn up at any
moment? I do not know. I can only say that nothing in the world seems
to me more unlikely. Thus it is that these young bright envelops touch
my heart even more than do their dusty and sallowed seniors. Sour
resignation is less touching than impatience for what will not be, than the
eagerness that has to wane and wither. Soured beyond measure these old
envelops are. They are not nearly so nice as they should be to the young
ones. They lose no chance of sneering and discouraging. Such dialogues
as this are only too frequent:

A Very Young Envelop: Something in me whispers that he
will come to-day!

A Very Old Envelop: He? Well, that's good! Ha, ha, ha!
Why didn't he come last week, when YOU came? What reason
have you for supposing he'll ever come now? It isn't as if he were a
frequenter of the place. He's never been here. His name is utterly
unknown here. You don't suppose he's coming on the chance of finding
YOU?

A. V. Y. E.: It may seem silly, but--something in me
whispers--

A. V. O. E.: Something in YOU? One has only to
look at you to see there's nothing in you but a note scribbled to him by a
cousin. Look at ME! There are three sheets, closely written, in
ME. The lady to whom I am addressed--

A. V. Y. E.: Yes, sir, yes; you told me all about her
yesterday.

A. V. O. E.: And I shall do so to-day and to-morrow and
every day and all day long. That young lady was a widow. She stayed
here many times. She was delicate, and the air suited her. She was poor,
and the tariff was just within her means. She was lonely, and had need
of love. I have in me for her a passionate avowal and strictly honorable
proposal, written to her, after many rough copies, by a gentleman who
had made her acquaintance under this very roof. He was rich, he was
charming, he was in the prime of life. He had asked if he might write to
her. She had flutteringly granted his request. He posted me to

 
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