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A. V. Laider by Max Beerbohm
Book, page 12 / 23


"If a railway-journey could be avoided, I avoided it. My uncle had
a place in Hampshire. I was very fond of him and of his wife. Theirs
was the only house I ever went to stay in now. I was there for a week in
November, not long after my twenty-seventh birthday. There were other
people staying there, and at the end of the week we all traveled back to
London together. There were six of us in the carriage: Colonel Elbourn
and his wife and their daughter, a girl of seventeen; and another married
couple, the Bretts. I had been at Winchester with Brett, but had hardly
seen him since that time. He was in the Indian Civil, and was home on
leave. He was sailing for India next week. His wife was to remain in
England for some months, and then join him out there. They had been
married five years. She was now just twenty-four years old. He told me
that this was her age. The Elbourns I had never met before. They were
charming people. We had all been very happy together. The only trouble
had been that on the last night, at dinner, my uncle asked me if I still
went in for 'the Gipsy business,' as he always called it; and of course the
three ladies were immensely excited, and implored me to 'do' their hands.
I told them it was all nonsense, I said I had forgotten all I once knew, I
made various excuses; and the matter dropped. It was quite true that I
had given up reading hands. I avoided anything that might remind me of
what was in my own hands. And so, next morning, it was a great bore to
me when, soon after the train started, Mrs. Elbourn said it would be 'too
cruel' of me if I refused to do their hands now. Her daughter and Mrs.
Brett also said it would be 'brutal'; and they were all taking off their
gloves, and--well, of course I had to give in.

"I went to work methodically on Mrs. Elbourn's hands, in the usual
way, you know, first sketching the character from the backs of them;
and there was the usual hush, broken by the usual little noises--
grunts of assent from the husband, cooings of recognition from the
daughter. Presently I asked to see the palms, and from them I filled in
the details of Mrs. Elbourn's character before going on to the events in
her life. But while I talked I was calculating how old Mrs. Elbourn might
be. In my first glance at her palms I had seen that she could not have
been less than twenty-five when she married. The daughter was
seventeen. Suppose the daughter had been born a year later--how old
would the mother be? Forty-three, yes. Not less than that, poor woman!"

Laider looked at me.


 
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