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Helen by Maria Edgeworth
Book, page 202 / 460


was upon this resolution that she had changed her manner, without knowing
how much, towards Beauclerc; she was certain he meant nothing but
friendship. It was her fault if she felt too much pleasure in his company;
the same things were, as she wisely argued, right or wrong according to the
intention with which they were said, done, looked, or felt. Rigidly she
inflicted on herself the penance of avoiding his delightful society, and to
make sure that she did not try to attract, she repelled him with all
her power--thought she never could make herself cold, and stiff, and
disagreeable enough to satisfy her conscience.

Then she grew frightened at Beauclerc's looks of astonishment--feared he
would ask explanation--avoided him more and more. Then, on the other hand,
she feared he might guess and interpret _wrong_, or rather _right_, this
change; and back she changed, tried in vain to keep the just medium--she
had lost the power of measuring--altogether she was very unhappy, and so
was Beauclerc; he found her incomprehensible, and thought her capricious.
His own mind was fluttered with love, so that he could not see or judge
distinctly, else he might have seen the truth; and sometimes, though free
from conceit, he did hope it might be all love. But why then so determined
to discourage him? he had advanced sufficiently to mark his intentions,
she could not doubt his sincerity. He would see farther before he ventured
farther. He thought a man was a fool who proposed before he had tolerable
reason to believe he should not be refused.

Lord Beltravers and his sisters were now expected at Old Forest
immediately, and Beauclerc went thither early every morning, to press
forward the preparations for the arrival of the family, and he seldom
returned till dinner-time; and every evening Lady Castlefort contrived to
take possession of him. It appeared to be indeed as much against his will
as it could be between a well-bred man and a high-bred belle; but to do her
bidding, seemed if not a moral, at least a polite necessity. She had been
spoiled, she owned, by foreign attentions, not French, for that is all gone
now at Paris, but Italian manners, which she so much preferred. She did not
know how she could live out of Italy, and she must convince Lord Castlefort
that the climate was necessary for her health. Meanwhile she adopted, she
acted, what she conceived to be foreign manners, and with an exaggeration
common with those who have very little sense and a vast desire to be
fashionable with a certain set. Those who knew her best (all but her sister
Katrine, who shook her head,) were convinced that there was really no harm
in Lady Castlefort, "only vanity and folly." How frequently folly leads

 
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